Kelly Clay

I’m 28. Single. Employed.

I’m leaning in. Trying to live life to its fullest. Always wondering if the next guy I meet is “the one.” And yes…a little bit narcissistic.

I’m a twentysomething in America.

And apparently, I’m wasting my time.

In Meg Jay’s TED talk, posted today, she suggests that 30 is not the new 20, and that this decade is not one to just let pass by – but one to start that career, start that family, and, well, fix all your problems so that when your brain finally stops growing in a few years, you’ll be a fully-functional human being.

I’ve never been so insulted in my life.

Part of my twenties were rough. I was sad. (Ok, really sad.) I didn’t know what the hell I was going to be “when I grew up.” I luckily stumbled into writing, technology, and startups. (If not luck, it was eerily serendipitous.) I was sad again, and had my heart broken – again. 

But ever since I was 25, I have very intentionally chased after my dreams. Dreams not defined by society’s preconceived notions of what I should accomplish by the time I’m 30 – but dreams I desired because they were what I wanted for myself.

And then people like Meg Jay make me question if I’m chasing after the wrong dreams, and not fast enough.

I don’t dream of marriage, of white picket fences, of 2.5 kids and a dog. I don’t know if I ever will want kids, or a dog (or a cat) or a fence — let alone a house.

A friend of mine dreams of working his ass off to save up enough to travel — and then rinse and repeat. We often cowork, and in the summertime sit in front of windows at coffee shops and imagine we’re at a beach (with WiFi, of course.) My dream is to do what I love – wherever I want to – albeit with the luxury of not having to work if I so choose.

I have no concept of retirement. I can’t imagine not writing, sharing stories, exploring, and meeting new people.

Maybe I figured it out already. Maybe after all those breakups, bad dates, days at jobs I hated, days at jobs I never thought I would love again, days traveling with friends, and all the friends I’ve lost along the way, I figured it out. Maybe if I called Meg Jay up for therapy she’d ask me – as all the other therapists I’ve talked to say during my first session – “What are you doing here??”

Let’s just say Jay Z has way more problems than me.

Meg Jay is right. Twentysomethings need identity capital. They need to move with intention. But there is something to be said for those of us who have been doing so for most of the last decade — or at least, those of us who figured it out. There is something to be said for lumping an entire generation into one that needs help. Into an entire generation that has gone wrong. Into an entire generation that, for lack of a better, is “lost.”

But if you’re going to do that, at least look at what twentysomethings face almost unanimously. We are growing up in a terrible economy, in a world where you need experience before you can get experience, and where – as Tucker Max so gently phrased it – Assholes Finish First.

So for the next person to critize twentysomethings as a lump sum, please – hold your breath.

We know.